Ever wonder what men think about looking for love after 50?
Recently, an over 50’s man named Lee reached out to me.
He asked if he could share with my community a blog he’d written about what it’s like to be a good guy in today’s over 50’s dating.
I read the blog and felt his insights might help you as you choose the men you want to meet.
I hope you’ll give it some thought and once you’ve read it that you’ll post what you think in the comments below.
My friend Jason 62, introduced me to his bride, age 58. They were beaming. Despite their cultural differences, they seemed a wonderful match.
Since Jason is hardly a world traveler, I asked him how this unlikely pairing came about.
“Since my divorce eight years ago, I haven’t had much luck connecting with American women my age. So I thought I’d try an International Dating Site.”
I asked Jason why he thought he hadn’t had much luck with American women. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “Well…..I guess the women I’ve met are really picky.”
Jason’s not alone. It’s a frequent complaint among men my age. I’ve complained about it myself.
If a single guy is tall, good-looking, confident, financially secure, successful in his career and endowed with the relaxed charisma of a gentleman who can wine and dine a lady, he may wonder, being a great catch, “What’s the problem with you guys? My calendar is filled with ladies who want to date me.”
But if he lacks some of these qualities, and many of us do, he may find it tougher going.
In a culture that values extraversion and charm, there are many “Jasons” who fail to make the grade.
We may, dating-wise, be America’s most undervalued resource.
We’d be blowing our horns to tick off our virtues, though since we’d be honest about them, we wouldn’t be boasting.
While somewhat lacking the assertive self-assurance you typically find in alpha males, we tend to be loyal and devoted to the women who engage our hearts.
When you talk to us, we listen.
You can feel that you’re the only woman in the world because, to us, you are.
Your heart can lean on us and we can bear its weight.
You’ll also see, early on, that we’ve worked on our issues and we inspire trust.
We’re emotionally healthy men who cherish women, and when we connect, we’re in it for the long haul.
And a woman’s looks, while not insignificant, are a secondary consideration so long as she cares for her health and well-being.
Still, we have our shortcomings.
Our good points, to our frustration, often land us in the friend zone.
We’re not the best candidates for the instant chemistry that gets and keeps you hooked.
Nor are we the kind to confront you with a here today but maybe not tomorrow affect that keeps you on your toes.
We’re reliable although, if we neglect to let our masculine energy flow, we’ve been told we’re dull.
And while good communication skills are essential in a relationship that has promise, a guy, if he’s not careful, can lose sight of the fact that it’s time to have some fun with a partner who is looking for the right man who can also trigger a spark of erotic adventure.
We’re living in the age of the empowered woman.
We’re all running to catch up with the changing times.
I see a lot of single women, fifty and older, who seem a bit frazzled and emotionally out of breath as they pause and look around, from the pinnacles of their hard-fought achievements, and go, “Where are all the quality men?”
You’ll find some of us on the mezzanine, but many of us are in the bargain basement.
Don’t be dissuaded by our basement location.
A bargain means better value than may be apparent on the surface.
I may not be able to fix your car, build shelves in your pantry or repair your computer glitch, but when you walk in the door, kick off your shoes, toss your bag on the chair and flop down on the sofa, I can pour us each a glass of wine, then settle down next to you.
I’m here to listen to you and laugh or cry as you share the highlights of your sometimes challenging, sometimes frustrating, sometimes joyfully exciting day.
I just wish you might give men like me a chance to make you happy. ~Lee
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